forever flipping off every trump flag, on my way home, daydreaming about ripping them all down so maybe we can meet tonight at 3am, dressed in black and ready for mayhem you made God in your own image not the other way around that's why your prayers are so angry you're always letting yourself down dad says he's ready for a new civil war but I've never known him to hurt a single soul his mind's been corrupted the way he used to warn me would happen if I kept listening to the Notorious BIG I won't recognize you in the colors of your confederacy through all the smoke and fog, I hope you don't... I hope you don't shoot me I swear I'm gonna write an open letter I swear I'm gonna be so convincing pointing out all that man's flaws so that finally they will see they'll wake up and apologize for being so wrong then the sun will explode and we will all be gone our grandparents fought the Axis just so fb could turn our parents' friends into fascists so I'm forever flipping off every trump flag on my way home as though it makes any difference at all

I'm sorry that you're sad I know you like me a lot but I swear I'm not your dad still if I could then I would erase every bad thing that ever happened to you but I can't so I'm also sorry for wasting your time sorry that you're mad I know I'm not your dad there you are writing dirty words down your arms I say: "don't write dirty words down your arms" you say: "at least they're better than scars." "That's a good point. That's a really good point." I just don't want to see you make the same mistakes as the adults that got you here in the first place

ugly green carpet with wood-paneled walls one whole summer where I abstained from alcohol cymbals crashing on an old church drum kit I'd just got a new guitar but could hardly play it (I can still hardly play it) sad, dejected yet it was the time of my life talked until our throats were sore we drank coffee all night recording songs in my mom's living room a blanket over the doorway while she slept on and on never gave a single complaint and all of it helped me carry on like I wasn't heartbroken all of it helped me carry on like she wasn't sick I started to get better all while she didn't mice so big I swear they could've been rats a show every single night, "let me check your X" I didn't know what to think of My Virgin Eyes we always made the same joke about Not Tonite (real ones know) and I awkwardly laughed every time and all of it helped me carry on like I wasn't heartbroken and all of it helped me carry on like the curse wouldn't stick I started to feel hopeful or at least something like it again I picked you up every morning on our way to work even when you made me late the manager only treated me like a jerk we both called in sick to drive all the way to Texas to teach us a lesson oh how the sun burned us even though we were there for your uncle's funeral somehow, somehow that trip helped me heal then that August I met Stacy at your dad's church I kept on getting better until I finally beat the curse I finally beat the curse i finally beat the curse I think I finally beat the curse

(dad talking about making his '41 Willy's Coup from scraps)

you cried out in a dream said the car made a noise you weren't expecting so I held your hand, I stroked your hair I said, "don't worry cause I am here." the next day you asked what I would do if a shark ever bit you I said: "I'd punch it so hard, it'd wish it were dead and if it wouldn't let go then I'd offer my own leg." So you walked off satisfied never doubting for a moment that I was right and I stared at the door when you were gone because I knew one day that a hurt would come that I can't protect you from if we saw it coming all we could do is run so bring on the sharks and I will punch them all I will rip every single tooth from every single row I will, I will, I will, I will

every night they pull me from our bed strap me to a chair and pry back my eyelids then they hit play on that projector screen before my eyes every mistake is playing until you kiss the back of my neck and say: "i'm here." causing that whole scene to disappear I'm still embarrassed of everything I do except when I'm with you, except when I'm with you, I still hate myself most the time it's true except when I'm with you, except when I'm with you we were driving home from a friend's party when I began that night's autopsy picking apart every word that I said wondering aloud how I have any friends when you slipped your hand in mine and said, "baby, I swear that you were brilliant"